Therapeutic Support for Graceful Transformation
© 2011 Josie Wood -
As human animals we have an ancient self defence mechanism in the fight or flight response which was designed to alert us to dangers in the wild. It still remains fully functional, even though we no longer physically wrestle predators that might devour us.
In our modern lives it might occasionally come into use in ways that are helpful – such as stopping us from walking in front of an oncoming bus. But mostly this historic piece of inner wiring has us either running away from, or lashing out at, someone who we feel has attacked us verbally or emotionally in some way. We might find ourselves in the situation where the hormones which enable us to fly and run, or square up and fight are being released and squirted round our body…our heart beats a little faster, or breathing becomes more rapid…and all we are doing is sitting on the sofa watching the news…! The same thing can happen several times a day…if we are trapped in the mode of seeing life happen to us…if we feel separate from the world…and at the mercy of what is outside of us. Then, even though we are no longer hunted by Sabre Tooth Tigers…we still feel guarded, on alert, and defensive. This might show up in us as tension driving through traffic, feeling under pressure from a work deadline, or constrained by the needs of our partner…our children…or our friends.
So what do we do about this…?
The answer lies in the paradox of ‘Yes’.
Saying ‘Yes’ to the situation -
It is a bit like diffusing a bomb. There is sits packed with explosives and wires and, paradoxically, as we say ‘Yes’ to it…it looses all its power and force.
Now if you are in the path of an oncoming bus…I am not suggesting that you stay there, smile and say ‘Yes’ to the situation. There are still times when the fight or flight mechanism does have its uses…!
But for many other situations, where the threat really only exists in our minds,
the ability to say ‘Yes’ to it…paradoxically… can transform something frightening
or alarming into something that is neutral. If we can say ‘Yes’ to the rearing head
of the Sabre Toothed Tiger when it roars at us that we will make a bad impression
by being late for a meeting -
The internet is filled to its cyber-
When we say ‘Yes’ to a situation, something in us relaxes.
As we gently hold that feeling of yes…and continue to relax, our muscles ease out,
our breathing becomes more rhythmical and deep, our heart beat becomes calm and steady.
We can think clearly, we are more able to see creative solutions to what faces us.
Our energy level is sustained by our healthier body rhythms, and we are more able
to handle whatever we face -
In addition to bringing us positive changes physiologically – saying ‘Yes’ to a situation also brings us inner psychological changes that can transform our whole perception of the situation, and set us free to move on with our lives.
I once worked with a client who was getting divorced. I will call her Jane to protect
her privacy. Jane felt that every thing in her life was reeling like a roller coaster.
She desperately wanted to hold on to her old life and was totally resistant to what
was happening in her life now. Jane started drinking in the evenings after the children
had gone to bed. Then she started drinking in the morning after they had gone to
school. Before long she was totally hooked into this means of avoiding her life.
She felt such emotional pain, and at first couldn’t imagine why I would suggest
she say ‘Yes’ to the situation, to allow it in, to allow what is to be there. To
begin with it was very hard for her to do. But Jane knew she had reached the end
of the road with the drinking to oblivion approach. So she tentatively experimented
with allowing the pain to be there -
This opened her up to allow healing of the issues she had been suppressing. She experienced enormous relief as waves of emotion were released. Now Jane found she had less desire or need to drink. She rediscovered some parts of herself that had been lost to her during the marriage. Before she married, Jane had been an artist, and during recent years had developed an interest in interior design. She signed up to do an interior design course. Jane had some fears about her ability to do the course, but we sat together as she said ‘Yes’ to that, breathed with the feelings, and allowed life to carry her forward. Now Jane is a very successful interior designer, living with a new partner and loving her life.
Jane reported to me during a follow up session that it was the act of saying ‘Yes’
to the circumstances of her life -
So why do I describe this as the paradox of saying ‘Yes’…? Well, the rational mind is thrown by the idea of saying ‘Yes’ to challenges. It has got into a groove with its old system of reaction hooked up to the intravenous drip of the flight or fight hormones, and sees that the only way forward is to push harder, stronger, faster longer. But that is exhausting…no wonder so many of us are worn down by life. Even so the rational mind wants to stick with what it knows, and doesn’t want to go along with what seems to be an airy fairy idea like saying ‘Yes’ to pain, to discomfort, to sadness.
Saying ‘Yes’ to challenging situations is often the last thing we want to do…and in fact it is something we are even wired from ancient times not to do. However it seems that in the way our ancestors evolved the ability to run or fight because they were actually prey for wild beasts, we now have the opportunity to make an evolutionary leap at this pivotal time in our human history, when the challenges that face us are of a different nature. Einstein said
No problem can be solved
from the same level of consciousness
that created it.
If we can teach ourselves to pause for a moment as the fight or flight machinery
is gearing up; if we can teach ourselves in that pause to say ‘Yes’ to whatever is
happening in us or around us…we have the seeds of an evolutionary leap within us.
We have the opportunity to move out of the level of consciousness that created the
problem. In that moment we can tune to a more expanded frequency -
“Say yes to life, and see how life starts to work for you instead of against you.“
Eckhart Tolle
Articles - The Paradox of Yes
“How wonderful that we have met with a paradox.
Now we have some hope of making progress.”
Niels Bohr
In the moment we say ‘Yes’ -
We are enabled at this point partly by the fact that the challenge has lost its power
over us…and also partly because the power that we gave away to it has returned to
us. We have reclaimed something of ourselves, that was lost in the dream of the challenge
appearing to make us powerless. In saying ‘Yes’ we actually take back our power.
For thousands of years humans been battling on against wherever exterior foe they
perceived, thinking that they would be stronger for their efforts. But now we can
see that mostly what they were doing -
Here is another paradox regarding saying ‘Yes’. When something great happens, often
we don’t say ‘Yes’ to that either do we…? For example we marginalise our successes,
and bounce compliments back to the giver. It is a reflection of our general approach
to life -
Well, that is a paradox…! Why do we do that…? For now though, I will leave you to ponder this curious inverted behaviour of resisting our own greatness. It will be the juicy subject matter of future article – so watch this space.
I hope you find this article helpful. If you visit www.choosinghappiness.co.uk you will find more articles like this, along with free gifts and many other resources.
In the meantime I hope I have given you some inspiration to play with saying
‘yes,
Yes, YES’ to life as it flows for you in all its forms.
You may reproduce this article – please print it in its entirety and quote the source.
Josie Wood – www.choosinghappiness.co.uk
© Josie Wood 2011
We are on the cusp of taking ourselves
as humans to a new level of awareness and
living our everyday lives very differently.
